Retired Chippendale dancer. I am living the life I was born to live. I strongly abide by the motto, “Safety Third.” Every time I go for a swim, dolphins appear. I chase vodka with high fives. I am lover not a fighter, but I’m a fighter too so don’t get any ideas. I have never lost a sock. I once climbed Mount Everest, Mount Kilimanjaro, and K-2 using only one bottle of oxygen and a sack of trail mix. I wouldn’t kick you out of bed, unless you wanted to cuddle on the floor. I don’t care how bad ass you are, if a toddler hands you a toy phone, you always answer it.
Please stop with the personal lap dance requests. I only do Bachelorette parties, birthdays (the one where I jump out of the cake with nothing but a banana hammock on), female only office parties, Avon parties, Halloween parties, Christmas parties, Tupperware parties, tea parties, and female sex toy parties.
*Disclaimer: not for everyone. Clinical tests show that he may cause nausea, fatigue, spontaneous fits of joy, and kidney or liver problems. Ask your doctor if he is right for you.